NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
