It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
third nipple confirmed
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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