just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
