one two three fourrrrnication!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
