I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
