four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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