Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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