i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
