do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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