Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
