If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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