Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's blow job season.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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