You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
