marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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