Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
