either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
