Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
