ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
