That's intense
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
