Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's even glitter on my cock...
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