I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
