I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
