hotel room ftw
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
