just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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