She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
