The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
