Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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