I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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