I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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