At least make sure they are 18
Why
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
