My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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