I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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