can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think i got beer on your cat.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
