come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
