oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize