Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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