You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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