It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
