Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
