I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
