Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
