He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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