he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
