I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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