I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
