I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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