Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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