I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
