I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
