you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Screwed.edu
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
