he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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