Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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