please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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