Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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