im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
