i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
