Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
