you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
cat food counts as protein by the way
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
