I just saw a hot homeless man
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
