I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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