:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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