3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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