She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
