its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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