ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
