If that was your dad, he is hot
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
