im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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