I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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