Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
