this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize