went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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