i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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