Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
