I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
