Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
