it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
