Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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