Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
