Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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