He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
