I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize