He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
