I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
