I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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