the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
