JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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