The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
