I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
