shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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