I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
