Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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