A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
