she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
