I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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