Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
