i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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