whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
