Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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