I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
